Learning MarsEdit

 

Seems like a pretty interesting piece of software. I've been using Journler and Mac journal for information storage, but just don't like them for posting to blogs. So far, this is pretty nice.

Terror...

...thats the only word for what I am feeling right now. It is not the nebulous terror I often experience when thinking of what may one day come to pass. It is the immaculately clear and sharp terror that accompanies what is certain. I find myself longing for that recent past when I simply existed without really living. Longing for a time when there was nothing inside me but contempt for life. There was no reason for me to fear death at that time. My life has changed. I now have goals I want to reach and a renewed sense of the importance of our species. What is certain? Death, disappointment, failure, but also life, love, happiness and success. What is certain is that the exact recipe of my life is unknowable to me. I know with certainty that anything can happen to me at any moment. I know how to end this terror, but the sacrifice necessary is one I will never make again.

Now a Mac Fanboy

Bought a MacBook and forgot about this blog. I guess that goes to show I wasn't really that into it, which is pretty much the truth. Now that I've found it again I may as well try to update it once in a while. I had plans for it months ago, but got so wrapped up in school that none of those plans ever came to fruition. I guess a plan isn't worth much if that plan doesn't include anything that even remotely resembles a goal.

Morrissey is coming ... I won't be there.

I am a poor, freezing-cold soul,
So far from where I intended to go.
Scavenging through life's very constant lulls,
So far from where I'm determined to go.
Wish I knew the way to reach the one I love.
There is no way.
Wish I had the charm to attract the one I love,
But, you see, I've got no charm.
Tonight I've consumed much more than I can hold,
Oh, this is very clear to you.
And you can tell I have never really loved.
You can tell, by the way, I sleep all day.
And all of my life no-one gave me anything.
No-one has ever given me anything.
My love is as sharp as a needle in your eye.
You must be such a fool to pass me by.

The Rockets Lost

The Rockets season is over. I can't say this comes as a surprise by any means. I had a feeling in game 5 that the series was over. Something about that game changed everything. It's almost as if the Rockets gave up and didn't really try again until the 4th quarter of game 7. Of course by then it was far too late for them. I heard it said about the Mavericks that they let off of the accelerator in the last month or so and couldn't get revved up again when it came time to battle the Warriors. I kind of see the same thing happening with the Rockets. It seems like they went up 3 games to 1 and let up on the Jazz, then couldn't buckle down and finish them off when they needed to. They've done this all season. This series has been in macrocosm what many games this season have been for the Rockets. They have a horrible habit of getting up on a team in the first half, phoning in the second half and losing the game. Yao and McGrady are just as guilty as everyone else on that team. I fear that Yao's upbringing in China will prevent him from ever becoming a truly dominant player. His inability to use his anger to fuel his play is obvious to anyone who's watching him play. This combined with McGrady being forced to play as a point forward is destroying the potential of the team. The Rockets need a play-making shooting guard or small forward. Yao is incapable of creating anything, leaving the bulk of the offensive responsibilities on the shoulders of McGrady. I hope they do their best to fix these problems in the offseason. McGrady needs help and the Rockets aren't going to go anywhere until they give him that help.

What Happened?

That's me, top row second from the left.

I made a little entry a few days ago about how large an effect moving from North Shore to Deer Park had on my life. I've had a bit to drink tonight and now I am fixated upon the subject once again. I am in no way a racist. I define a racist as someone who acts on their prejudices, accepting and reinforcing those prejudices through their actions. I do have prejudices. Though I don't act upon them, and detest them, they just won't go away. They have an instinctual quality to them. They present themselves in my mind in the same manner as innate knowledge, as if it is beyond logic. I have to notice these prejudices, acknowledge them and logically disprove them over and over again, but this never makes that initial urge go away. Will these unrealistic images and ideas never leave me. I wish I could control my brain and just wipe these prejudices away. I don't understand why I constantly disprove them with logic but they still stay. How can humanity go beyond what it now is if these instinctual animal thoughts still have so much power over us? How could that kid with no front teeth transform into a grown man with prejudices?

Insanely Delicious Beer!

Right this second I'm enjoying one of the better beers I've ever tasted. I tend to like beer that is dark, with noticeable "hoppiness". My usual favorites are beers like Newcastle, Old Speckled Hen, Sam Adam's Boston Ale, Sam Adam's Black Lager, and Rogue Dead Guy Ale, with the latter being my personal favorite. This Belhaven Wee Heavy tastes to me like a combination of Dead Guy and Black Lager, with a noticeable alcohol content. 6.5% ain't too shabby. At the liquor store I used to work they have a new beer that is 20% alcohol. I believe it was one of Dogfish Head's IPAs ... probably 120 minute IPA. I recommend this Belhaven, good good stuff.

*Edit: Only one bottle and I'm buzzed. I remember back when it took me half a bottle of Johnnie Walker to get a buzz. Can't say I look back fondly on those days.